She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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