we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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