ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize