i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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