I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
