remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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