The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
