Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
