Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
