Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The adults are the big ones right?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
