Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
