proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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