after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
