Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
