Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
