If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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