Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
