I cannot find my penis.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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