Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
