I am in a vortex of obligation.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
