She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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