I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
