you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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