I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
