booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We don't watch enough power rangers
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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