The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize