All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
