Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
