im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
splinters make it hard to masturbate
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
