Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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