just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
