Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Randomize
