Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
