I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
