I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
