when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
