I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
