I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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