turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize