if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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