So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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