dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
