Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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