If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
