did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
