So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
