I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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