Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
