you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
