Ketchup is God's man juice
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
