I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
