Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
