i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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