The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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