Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
