he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
