dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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