Your dad touched me again.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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