I'm pants shitting drunk right now
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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