the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
