so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
