Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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