So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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