Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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