Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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