he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
