We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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