Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
