pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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