On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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