don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
